What the hell’s happening to me?
So I had relatives from all over come visit this weekend…some are still here. Anyways, one of my cousin’s brought her two kids ages 1 1/2 and 4 (boy, girl respectively). In the past I’ve been terrible with kids. Partially I’m afraid to somehow inadvertently cause them injury or drop them or something…just a fear of somehow messing up. On top of that, as most ppl know I’m not the most emotional person you’ll ever meet…FO SHO. So it’s really tough for me to convey concern or caring. I do care, I’m just a need-my-personal space person who refuses to say platitudes when someone’s feeling down. So all these relatives are here and there’s some good news and bad news and I can’t help feeling myself force a sense of interest in everything ppl are saying. I do care and love my family, but sometimes its just like “ummm I really don’t care to talk about some underground river or foliage” or “oh shit it’s a photo album” or “dammit someone’s passing around ‘mixed tape’ love song cds,” and on and on. So far the entire time I’m feeling like I’m Larry David.
Back on topic…to the what the hell’s happening to me part…
As I continue to be polite and putting an effort to express emotion (remember I care, but I just have my own way of showing concern and caring that doesn’t involve warm and fuzzies) I’m finding myself more and more sucked into their inner circle. Here’s the effed up part…for the first time like ever I was 100% comfortable with playing with the kids. And then two moments of zen occurred. Enzo, the almost-2 year old…he’s the fucking tits yo by the way…at one point he gets a running start and out of the crowd of people he runs up to my leg and hugs it with a huge ass grin on his face. Initially, I thought wtf…but that quickly went away and i was like holy shit thats awesome. The second moment was i was playing catch with enzo with a hackey sack and out of nowhere he sneezed on himself and like The Flash I scooped him up and hauled ass to the bathroom to blow his nose and clean himself up. WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?!!! It was like some national geographic instinct shit right there. I asked him if he’s “all better” and he does the big as a mountain super smile and goes “ahhhh betttttaah!”
So yeah….HELP!!! I’m having conflicting thoughts on the matter….kind of like Wednesday and Pugsly Addams in Addams Family Values when they get locked in that one cabin where they’re forced to watch Disney movies. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi…you’re my only hope!